Hot Fear Brewing In My Head!

Today, I got angry on my mother. That's really bad, you all must be thinking, the fact of the point is, I know that too. I was pretty much calm when i woke up today, considering the fact its weekend, and knowing the fact its a Saturday. Now, everything goes well for me on Saturday's, but only in the first half of the day (I am not trying to find any logic or trying to establish any stupid superstition to this) but its just a simple thing that is attached with me from a long time. However, that's not the point, the point is why did I get angry on my mother, and why couldn't I stop myself from getting angry, knowing the fact that I am getting angry for no reason.

I could actually feel like I have been shot with adrenaline needle, with the highest density of medicine in it, that could be felt in my veins, when it was reaching its peak, beyond my control of getting it down or put a stop in it. When I happen to have a calm phase for about two minutes, I felt suddenly like something inside my brain pushed me and vent out my anger, with no particular topic in it, with no particular need for venting out, and I again ended up shouting for an unreasonable, not required kind of demand.

Day passed, and i went off to sleep, I think that helped my brain to relax, and eventually helped me to calm down completely. However, I kept feeling, some kind of devil's tail tingling inside my brain waiting for me to react to its intention to get angry and to feel the rush again. I could literally feel it, and it was like me against myself, fighting with myself, to keep me away from the intentions of the devil's part of my brain telling the good part of my brain to come to its side.

While sleeping, I was thinking in my sub conscious mind, am i moving slowly towards insanity? Am I really moving towards the power of my mind taking over the power of my heart, am I moving towards the uncontrollable power of my mind, which in a scabrous way taken the ownership from me controlling my mind. I am actually scared of myself, most of the times I end up fighting with a lot of people around me, and I feel like Satan is taking over my soul slowly and gradually, like a progress bar that keeps moving on a dial-up connection, which is slow but keeps progressing.

I really feel that most of us youth's, go through this kind of anger rush, without the power or the ability to control it, although we want to and we really don't mean to hurt anyone or vent out the many frustrations, thrown at us by life. Question is, who is going to control or stop us? Who is going to stop us from becoming a normal human being to vicariously raging anger souls? I want to be at peace, I want, not to hurt anyone around me, and I definitely don't want to feel scared of my own self.

We can not keep blaming others, we can not keep blaming stress, we can not keep blaming circumstances around us, being the reason for our rage. Sometimes it feels, that our generation is heading towards its own doom and the only reason for it is the ego that keeps brewing in our heads, which in turn bloats out the balloon of anger that keeps getting inflated without the possibility of it getting blasted. We don't need things that help pumping air, we need someone or something to open up the knot of the anger inflated balloon.

I don't want to end up losing everyone and everything good around me that has been built just because of dumb anger, and am pretty sure all of you reading this want the same too. No one is really cool or happening thinking everyone likes the angry man or angry woman image. Need to carve out the anger of my head as I don't want to end up termed with the statement that this generation lacks every subtle emotions and manners that the previous generations had.

I just want to be a good human being at the end of the day. Then again who doesn't?